Just Another Midnight Rambling: The Power of Belief & Is God Getting Stronger?

It's real late right now. Past midnight. Don't even know when. But I know that I wanna write some stuff down. I find that my favorite conversations with myself happen past midnight. Right before I fall asleep. Right before I begin to dream.  So here I am. Try not too think on this shit too hard. Fun Fact #1: 'This' spelled backwards is 'Shit'. Fun Fact #2: I am a liar. NEXT LESSON!

Sometimes I have thoughts like this:

Ya know life's a funny thing. I can't tell you why, it just is. People are always stressing out about life and this and that and this. But in the end it doesn't really matter. Nothing really matters. We're all gonna go for a ride, do a few loop-dee-loops and die.

But then I remember that that's bullshit and I'm just REALLY tired. And then I think: Is it really bullshit? And then I think: Yes. Go to sleep. But I don't go to sleep. I continue down this slippery ass slope known as deep thought. So I think about it some more and I realize that if nothing matters, doesn't everything matter? It's like when you're a kid and your mom tells you that you're very special, but you realize that every little boy and girl is special, and if everybody is special, then nobody is. Or how without dirtiness there wouldn't be cleanliness. Without Yin, one could not possibly hope to have Yang. The Law of Duality. And with these two perspectives you can conclude that either, a) both everything and nothing matters OR b) there's another answer you haven't even contemplated. Maybe the real answer is a mix. As in, not "everything" matters and not "nothing" matters, but only somethings matter. But what are those things you may ask? Happiness? Family? Money? Friendship? Kindness? Love? No. But any of those things could work really. Because I'll tell you what I think. I think... that it doesn't matter what I think. I think that the ONLY thing that EVER truly matters in your life, is whatever you choose to believe.Whether your life is about; religion, or money, or family, or drugs. Whatever gives your life meaning, is the thing that gives meaning to your life. And whether what I'm saying right now is true or not (or hell, if it even makes sense), IT DOESN'T MATTER! That's the funny thing about belief, the facts don't mean a God-damned thing. Look at religion. There's no real evidence that God or heaven or angels exist. But there are still billions of people who believe in God.

God: Hey! What are you doing to me man! I'm here! I exist! Screw you man! Maybe you don't exist!

Jared: You better back up Gramps! I'm on a role and I really don't need this from you tonight!

God: Oh, looky here, we gotta big shot kid who thinks he knows some stuff just cuz he's got a blog, a few "deep" thoughts and some fingers to type with! WOW! Hey, you ever thought about running for Messiah, you piece of shit? I think you could make real change. A real difference, ya know? Maybe a better Jesus than Jesus!

Jared: Alright, alright, if you're gonna screw with the masses on a daily basis, that's fine! But you ain't fuckin' with me, and you will not fuck with my blog! Get it? Got it. Good. Now get out!

[God disappears]

He gets harder to deal with every, single, time, he shows up, I'm tellin' ya. It's getting really bad guys. But as I was saying, people still believe in their given religions. Whether it be Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Christianity or the hundreds of others, they all believe in THEIR religion. And the way I see it, it's impossible to say you're right and they're not, because they truly BELIEVE in it. Whether it's real or not will never really matter, because to them it is real. You can't take that away from someone. And to me, one of the most remarkable things about people, is that even if they don't have a religion, they believe in SOMETHING. Everyone believes in something. That belief gives our lives meaning and purpose. And when you don't believe in something in your life, I think you'll find it will be much harder to get up in the morning, and much harder to take part in this thing we call existence. So I guess all I gotta say is: Make sure you know what you believe in. I sure as hell know I don't, that's why I'm hanging on by a thread and a half.

So kiddos, good morning, good luck and-

[God bursts in]

God: Good riddance you no good, loud mouthed-

Jared: GOD! Cool it! Cool it! How'd you even get here anyway? I didn't mention your name at all.

God: You think you can control my access into this place? Please. I'm a God, remember? [Chuckles]

Jared: Yeah, but that doesn't explain how-

God: Silence young one. Let's just say I've been getting stronger. But I'm in a hurry now, maybe I'll fancy your curiosity later. I have a pilates class to get to. See you soon.

[God winks has he disappears]

This is getting weird man. He's even got more stage directions and everything! I'm gonna have to be careful around him. But this was not a story about how out of control God has gotten, or even how it doesn't matter because I don't BELIEVE in God. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no. This Is A Story About Me (Jared Clark).

A Sledding with Tigers Tribute Part 2 ("Oasis" by Wonderwall): Wait, So Bad Emotions Are Good? I'm Confused.

"Oh man I hate this feeling, but I don't hate that I'm feeling it." ~Sledding with Tigers

https://sleddingwithtigers.bandcamp.com/track/oasis-by-wonderwall

(Again I'd say go ahead and listen to the song before, after or while you're reading this)

To me, life is an infinitely astounding feat of Nature. But not just because life has the ability to be born, grow, reproduce and die. But because life is chalk-full of emotion. Without emotion, life would be boring. Life, death, repeat. But with this thing we've dubbed as emotion, every organism to ever live, has felt something. Whether it be the mighty dinosaurs who ruled Earth long before humans, your cute little cat, or the very first bacteria, which started all life down the path of evolution. They... We've all felt emotion. Pain, love, hate, warmth, you name it. Every life form has felt something or another. But no one can be sure that other animals quite understand what their emotion means. Not even us. Except there is one little thing us humans can do. We can take all this emotion, all this raw feeling that's been building up inside all life for billions of years... and create art. Cuz when ya think about it, that's all art is. The expression of emotion. And while much art is of love, happiness, faith, calm, and joy, much of it is not. And God knows it. 

[God appears in his undies, eating a bowl of cereal]

Jared: Oh no, not him again.

God: Hey! You called! What's up homie?

Jared: Homie? No, no, no, I called by accident. I just use your name for everyday expressions. That's all. You can go now.

God: Oh... well if that's how you truly feel, I guess I'll go. Sesame Street is on anyway, and The Count was just about to count the number of day. It's my favorite part. I probably missed it by now...

[God disappears as he sobs into his cereal]

Is it bad that I feel kinda bad about that?

Jared the Psychiatrist: No. No, not at all Jared. In fact I'd say it's quite the opposite. It's spectacular. You see even the emotions that we perceive to be unsatisfactory  are indeed a personal triumph. They're not deplorable at all. They're there for a reason. And you're feeling them for-
Jared: I've had enough out of you too asshole! Using all these big ass words. Perceive? Deplorable?! Who says that?!
Jared the Psychiatrist: Oi! Bugger off mate! I don't need this from you. I was only attempting to assist after all.
Jared: Well it ain't helping! Bye bye now.

That guy really pisses me off. And the way he talks: "I was only attempting to assist-". He's a real piece of work. But, I mean. I guess he's not wrong. Feeling shitty, isn't just there to make you feel like shit. Pain, anguish, heartbreak, guilt, anger, frustration, jealousy, fear, hatred, sadness... It's all important. If you try to imagine a world without these things. That's a pretty boring world. You'd just be happy all the time. Isn't that disgusting? To put yourself in a life devoid of pain, is to put yourself in a life without growth. Without really feeling much of anything. Without truly living. That's why in this song, the lyrics say "I'm lucky I'm feeling anything at all". Because we're all so goddamn lucky to be feeling all the emotions we feel. Oops. Sorry God.

[God reappears]
God: What's up?
Jared: What do you mean, what's up? I just used your name in vain. That's like, a sin or something right?
God: What? Oh, no, no, no. Look, I don't know who made that up or why, but that ain't true. I swear people are always making up stories about me. There comes a point where I just gotta let it all slide, but man it gets annoying. Anyway, I gotta get back. Bert and Ernie are the cutest couple ever and I'm NOT about to miss them.
[God disappears]

Well... goddamn.
[God reappears again]
God: But maybe ease up on the cursing a little, would ya kid?
Jared: Oh, fuck you.
God: Right back at ya.
[God disappears]

Man, is he a pain in the ass or what. But to rap this bad boy up, maybe the painful stuff, isn't necessarily "bad". Maybe it's good to feel bad. I think I understand that more than ever. (Maybe a little too much) But WHAT DO I KNOW EH? Ab-solutely nothing. And if you're still reading this, I hoped you've learned one thing. It's okay to feel all those bad feelings you get. In fact it's amazing! It's really the only way you can know, if you're truly alive. So next time you feel like shit, for whatever reason or another, don't stop it. NEVER stop it. Feel as much of it as you can. Soak it all in. You just might appreciate life even more. I mean you probably already knew everything I just said, and if that's the case, then this has been a total waste of what precious time you have left in this life. Either way, "You're lucky you're seeing anything at all".
Good night, good luck, and God bless.

God: Oh, no way I'm blessing them. If you think Imma lay a finger on them dirty skinbags you be outta your MIND.
Jared: Okay! Dang dude, chill!

And remember kids, this isn't just a story about your feelings, or my feelings, or how freaking annoying God IS. This Is A Story About Martez Knox.

Just kidding! This Is A Story About Me (Jared Clark).

(Martez is a friend who couldn't make a funny joke to save his life. Just to be clear, I am not Martez Knox. I am Jared. Not Martez..... Love you buddy!)

It's Astronomy Day AND George Lucas' Birthday?! Coincidence? I thinkNOT!

-The Incredibles


Today, Saturday May 14th, is both the birthday of George Lucas and Astronomy Day. Whoever orchestrated that, bravo. 

Happy Astronomy Day to all you celestial beings out there! For a long time I wanted to be an astrophysicist so here goes a short something I prepared in honor of all the awesomeness within astronomy.

Story time:

Billions of years ago, in the age of planetary warfare, Theia, a planet, not as big as Earth came crashing into us. Theia was subsequently pulverized and all of the Earth's crust was ripped away (and then some). For the most part, the Earth was still intact even though she lost tons of debris. However some of the debris from both planets was just floating out near Earth. That dust and rock, formed bigger rocks and stones and boulders and mountains... until finally, what looked to be a whole new planet all together. Caught in a perfect trap. The oldest trap in the universe. Happily stuck between the emptiness of space, and Gravity. This big ol' rock circling Earth, would later be known as the Moon. Not the only moon, but our only moon. The moon that raises and lowers the tides of every ocean and lake. The moon that helped shape life on Earth. The moon that shows us just a glimpse of everything that's out there. I like to think that Theia knew. She knew that Earth was the best chance for life this solar system would ever have. And she knew that Earth needed the moon to pull it off. She knew and she made the choice to sacrifice herself, destroying everything she'd ever been to create a little baby Moon. To bring about life on this planet. And to make us wonder "Hey, what's that?"  Do you ever look up and see a face in the moon? I'm willing to bet that it's just Theia. Checkin' in.

So thanks Theia. Thanks astronomers everywhere. And thank you UNIVERSE! Not too shabby a job if I do say so myself. Not too shabby at all.

And remember kids, this ain't just a story about some dumb moon. This Is A Story About Me.

A Sledding with Tigers Tribute (Never Really Good At Sports): Hey, What's That Piece of Shit Doing in My Mirror?

"If self-loathing was a sport... then I'd finally be good at a sport" -Sledding with Tigers

Get it? Cuz he hates himself so much, that the only sport he thinks he could ever be good at is self-loathing. That's a knee slapper!

https://sleddingwithtigers.bandcamp.com/track/never-really-good-at-sports
(Awesome song)
(I highly recommend listening to it before/while reading this post)

I've never been one for... liking myself all that much. Especially in comparison to other people. If you've read my other posts you'll know that I love people, because I think they're amazing. Because they are. They're amazing. YOU, ARE FUCKING, AMAZING. And deep down I know I'm amazing too. But also deep down, there are parts of me that think I'm not that great (like REEAAAALLLY shitty). Like, I look in the mirror and instead of a 16 year old boy going through puberty, I see a piece of shit. Going through puberty. And I know I'm not the only one who thinks that way. Everyone has problems with self-image. And everyone has problems with loving themselves. So I'm working on it.

This song helps me realize that loving myself is something I need to work on. Because if you can't love yourself, how on earth can you truly manage to love anybody else? That's kinda why I love the line "Someday I will learn to love myself as much as I love everybody else". Because it's true. Loving yourself is just as important as loving your fellow human. 

So do me a favor and don't be so hard on yourself. When it comes down to it, you're all you've got. And remember, this isn't just a story about me, this is a story about the true hatred we all have for inner ourselves!

But also This Is A Story About me.
         t    i  a s     a     jaredclark

I Scream, You Scream, But No One Screams For School

So. It's Monday, September 7th, I haven't written a blog post in several weeks and I have school tomorrow. First day. I'm not ready. But... I've decided to try and write about my experiences for my sophomore year in high school. Should be pretty fun. Hopefully this time I'll be able to keep up with my blogging for more than a week. I think this summer, not enough happened for me to be interested in my life. But school will be jam packed with all kind of stuff. Classes, friends, family, homework, girls, theatre, homework, music, teachers, homework, my cats, homework, homework, homework. You may be wondering "Hey Jared, what the fuck is wrong with you bruh? Just said homework nine times, shiiit." You see at my school we get a lot of homework and my slow ass has a hard time doin' it. Maybe it won't be so bad this year (I doubt it). Well, I guess I'll find soon enough. :( 

It's kind of late and I'm tired but before the school year I'd just like to tell you what I did this summer before I forget. 

List

I... -Got a guitar

- Barely played guitar

-Six flags, twice

-Got contacts

-Hated contacts

-Stayed at Grandparents house for a weekend

-Saw a rainbow

-Went to the beach

-Finished Harry Potter: Sorcerer's Stone

-Started Harry Potter: Chamber of Secrets

-Hiked at Starved Rock

-Got ready for my sister to leave for college

That was basically it. Oh yeah my sister goes to college in five days. PRETTY CRAZY. I might die... probably not... we'll see. Okay let's see, it is 9:54, I start my sophomore year in ten hours, and I don't want to be awake right now. But remember kids this isn't just a story about inevitable failure in the doom of a new school year, This Is A Story About how I just want to go to sleep.

Goodnight.

Who Am I? Bitch, Who Are You!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Oh wait! Nobody reads this so nobody cares! That's right. Nevermind. Back to the show! *clears throat* Sometimes it's hard for me to tell what's more amazing. Life itself, or people. And I mean I guess life is clearly more impressive, just cuz like, damn. We was all created from nothin'. And it's especially crazy because most scientists believe that the Big Bang brought matter and energy into existence (miracle), but I still don't think I've heard a legit theory as to how the first life started. I think I heard once that extreme heat just made bacteria or something form, it's flimsy at best. Not even flimsy, more so airy. I'd even go as far as to say spacey. But then again whatduhfuck do I know? Some would say not much. Most wouldn't care to respond. And a few would say I know quite a bit, only to realize they were lying and having to let me down easy. However the truth is that none of that matters, the stuff they might say. What really matters is what I say. What I think of myself. So Jared what do you think of yourself?

Jared: Uhh. I don't, know what do mean?

Jared the Psychiatrist: You know what I fucking mean Jared.

Jared: I'm sorry can you explain it to me?

Jared the Psychiatrist: Don't bullshit with me man! Tell me what you know!

Jared: Woah, no need to yell at me bro. Take a chill pill.

Jared the Psychiatrist: God damn it Jared! You think this is some kind of game! This is you we're talking about!

Jared: Hey, where's good cop at? I love that guy.

Jared the Psychiatrist: You want good cop kid? Face the fucking truth! There is no good cop! There's only you... and me. And with God as my witness, you're gonna look at me and you're gonna answer me...

God: Oh no, no, no. I'm not gettin' in the middle of this one. No way Jose! I'm good over here.

Jared the Psychiatrist: When you look into the mirror - and I'm not talking about a real mirror, I mean when you reflect on yourself - what the 'frell' do you see?

Jared: ...

Jared the Psychiatrist: Take your time. No matter what you say... you can't make it better until you accept what you see.

Jared: I don't know.

Jared the Psychiatrist: What  did I just say about bullshit?!

Jared: You're bullshit man, I don't fucking now! And if I did know you wouldn't have to ask me cause you are just me, playing psychiatrist. 

Jared the psychiatrist: Oh...

Jared: Get out.

Jared the psychiatrist: Out motha fucka!

[And with that he was gone]

Woah. That was weird. As. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Sorry you had to see that. I think I really just wrote all that because a few weeks ago I started to go see a talk therapist. Nothing crazy like that has happened but it's kind of a fantasy of mine. To get into an extremely heated conversation with a psychiatrist about my innermost thoughts. But I'd probably cry. Yeah... I kind of cry whenever an authority figure gets angry at me. Bit of a turn off huh? Oh well. Better luck in my next life!

Oooo! Maybe I'll have talent! Or the ability to have fun and humorous conversations on a daily basis. Or even a sense of responsibility. That would be nice. I really envy people who can prevent their life from going to shit. That way, even if they're a bad person, at least they believe that they have a good life. Like Hitler. Oh wait not like Hitler, cause he may just be the worst fucking piece of dogshit that ever existed. I like to believe that Hitler went to Superhell, with like a Super Devil and whatever else they have down there. Yowza, I got really off track this time. Today was supposed to be about how awesome people are. But instead it turned into a sort of, day of self reflection. Next time then. This blog actually reminded me of a song by one of my favorite bands with the lyrics "Who am I? Is it that guy? The one that's standing there smiling, staring the stranger in the eye. Who am I? Is it that guy? Lying in bed for the third night in a row, saying he wants to die. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" That was Gender Bronoun by Human Kitten. Great music. If you actually want to hear some of his music (which would would be suprising, but I promise you won't regret it), go to http://humankitten.bandcamp.com/music. Really just superb. Or at least I think so. However this is not just a story about what I think. Even though I suppose it kind of is. This isn't just a story about me. Jeez, I suck.
Jesus: Did you mean Jeezus?
Jared: No.
Jesus: Oh
Jared: Scram! 
Ahem. This Is A Story About Me.

TV? More Like I Love You

I love me some TV. But obviously not like cable, or the news. I mean genuinely amazing tv shows with amazing story and characters you wanna spend your days with. It's a huge part of who I am. It all started four-ish years ago, sometime before sixth grade, but not too long after fifth. My sister was watching this show called Doctor Who...

(flashback time)

Gianna: Are you gonna watch Doctor Who with me?!

Jared: I don't know, looks kind of stupid.(Worst thing I've ever said)

Gianna: Well it's not and it's awesome.

Jared: Sure

Gianna: It's starting, shhh!

[Over the next couple of hours "Silence in the Library", "Forest of the Dead" and "Midnight" came on. Jared was entranced}]

Jared: Wow. That... was... pretty good.

[However inside Jared knew he was going to watch this show from the very beginning]

(back from the flashback)

At that point in my life I hadn't really known that tv consisted of more than boring news stories and Spongebob Squarepants. And by golly was I in for a ride. I think it took a year for me to actually start watching Doctor Who, but when I did, the throttle was set for full steam ahead. I remember getting up one day, making french toast sticks, and watching the whole third season of Doctor Who that day. Those times were great, because I was literally able to shed off the worries of real life. Delve into my darkest nightmares, watch amazing stories of amazing caliber and let my mind run free. It was a completely different experience. Over the next few years, I started watching plenty more tv shows and  loving every second of it, also diving into story driven video games, comics and my own imagination. I also began to get a taste for writing. Sadly at this point in my life reading was not in my repertoire (that's a weird ass word to spell). Around the seventh and eighth grades, my schoolwork and work in general began to decline. I blame tv shows and video games, but honestly I don't really care. If it's a choice between bad grades and tv, I choose tv without a doubt. After all without tv I wouldn't be the same person I am today. However, I think it may have taken to great a toll on me, this first year of high school. But I will NOT talk about that right now. Later. Anyway, if it weren't for television and the magical apparatus that is Netflix, I have no clue where I'd be today. Well probably the same place. My bed, Chicago, Illinois. But I mean where I'd be accomplishment wise. Where I'd be spiritually, mentally. But most importantly, who I would be. Yeah sure I'd be the same 'person'. Jared. But I know without a doubt, I'd be a different Jared. So I want to thank you, Gianna, for showing me Doctor Who all those years ago. Hopefully, if the stars aline right and my britches are tight, I'll be able to make my own 'Doctor Who'. I mean if that does happen it'll probably be as popular as this blog is, but if by some miracle it does get out there and people truly enjoy the shit... well, I think I'll owe my sister a bit more than a 'Thank you'. Maybe a flower, or a car, or a house, or a boyfriend. Who knows? Who knows. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this, my second blog post on tiasajaredclark. For the lucky few reading this, I'll show you all the tv shows I've ever seen every episode of, in rough order of how much I love them.


1. Doctor Who
2. How I Met Your Mother
3. Supernatural
4. The Walking Dead
5. Psych
6. The Office (U.K. and U.S.)
7. Star Wars: The Clone Wars
8. Freaks and Geeks
9. Louie
10. Sherlock
11. Attack on Titan
12. Video Game High School
13. New Girl
14. The Guild
15. The Big Bang Theory
16. Brooklyn 99
17. Torchwood

And remember, this is not just a story about tv shows. This Is A Story About Me.