Who Am I? Bitch, Who Are You!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Oh wait! Nobody reads this so nobody cares! That's right. Nevermind. Back to the show! *clears throat* Sometimes it's hard for me to tell what's more amazing. Life itself, or people. And I mean I guess life is clearly more impressive, just cuz like, damn. We was all created from nothin'. And it's especially crazy because most scientists believe that the Big Bang brought matter and energy into existence (miracle), but I still don't think I've heard a legit theory as to how the first life started. I think I heard once that extreme heat just made bacteria or something form, it's flimsy at best. Not even flimsy, more so airy. I'd even go as far as to say spacey. But then again whatduhfuck do I know? Some would say not much. Most wouldn't care to respond. And a few would say I know quite a bit, only to realize they were lying and having to let me down easy. However the truth is that none of that matters, the stuff they might say. What really matters is what I say. What I think of myself. So Jared what do you think of yourself?

Jared: Uhh. I don't, know what do mean?

Jared the Psychiatrist: You know what I fucking mean Jared.

Jared: I'm sorry can you explain it to me?

Jared the Psychiatrist: Don't bullshit with me man! Tell me what you know!

Jared: Woah, no need to yell at me bro. Take a chill pill.

Jared the Psychiatrist: God damn it Jared! You think this is some kind of game! This is you we're talking about!

Jared: Hey, where's good cop at? I love that guy.

Jared the Psychiatrist: You want good cop kid? Face the fucking truth! There is no good cop! There's only you... and me. And with God as my witness, you're gonna look at me and you're gonna answer me...

God: Oh no, no, no. I'm not gettin' in the middle of this one. No way Jose! I'm good over here.

Jared the Psychiatrist: When you look into the mirror - and I'm not talking about a real mirror, I mean when you reflect on yourself - what the 'frell' do you see?

Jared: ...

Jared the Psychiatrist: Take your time. No matter what you say... you can't make it better until you accept what you see.

Jared: I don't know.

Jared the Psychiatrist: What  did I just say about bullshit?!

Jared: You're bullshit man, I don't fucking now! And if I did know you wouldn't have to ask me cause you are just me, playing psychiatrist. 

Jared the psychiatrist: Oh...

Jared: Get out.

Jared the psychiatrist: Out motha fucka!

[And with that he was gone]

Woah. That was weird. As. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Sorry you had to see that. I think I really just wrote all that because a few weeks ago I started to go see a talk therapist. Nothing crazy like that has happened but it's kind of a fantasy of mine. To get into an extremely heated conversation with a psychiatrist about my innermost thoughts. But I'd probably cry. Yeah... I kind of cry whenever an authority figure gets angry at me. Bit of a turn off huh? Oh well. Better luck in my next life!

Oooo! Maybe I'll have talent! Or the ability to have fun and humorous conversations on a daily basis. Or even a sense of responsibility. That would be nice. I really envy people who can prevent their life from going to shit. That way, even if they're a bad person, at least they believe that they have a good life. Like Hitler. Oh wait not like Hitler, cause he may just be the worst fucking piece of dogshit that ever existed. I like to believe that Hitler went to Superhell, with like a Super Devil and whatever else they have down there. Yowza, I got really off track this time. Today was supposed to be about how awesome people are. But instead it turned into a sort of, day of self reflection. Next time then. This blog actually reminded me of a song by one of my favorite bands with the lyrics "Who am I? Is it that guy? The one that's standing there smiling, staring the stranger in the eye. Who am I? Is it that guy? Lying in bed for the third night in a row, saying he wants to die. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" That was Gender Bronoun by Human Kitten. Great music. If you actually want to hear some of his music (which would would be suprising, but I promise you won't regret it), go to http://humankitten.bandcamp.com/music. Really just superb. Or at least I think so. However this is not just a story about what I think. Even though I suppose it kind of is. This isn't just a story about me. Jeez, I suck.
Jesus: Did you mean Jeezus?
Jared: No.
Jesus: Oh
Jared: Scram! 
Ahem. This Is A Story About Me.