Who Am I? Bitch, Who Are You!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Oh wait! Nobody reads this so nobody cares! That's right. Nevermind. Back to the show! *clears throat* Sometimes it's hard for me to tell what's more amazing. Life itself, or people. And I mean I guess life is clearly more impressive, just cuz like, damn. We was all created from nothin'. And it's especially crazy because most scientists believe that the Big Bang brought matter and energy into existence (miracle), but I still don't think I've heard a legit theory as to how the first life started. I think I heard once that extreme heat just made bacteria or something form, it's flimsy at best. Not even flimsy, more so airy. I'd even go as far as to say spacey. But then again whatduhfuck do I know? Some would say not much. Most wouldn't care to respond. And a few would say I know quite a bit, only to realize they were lying and having to let me down easy. However the truth is that none of that matters, the stuff they might say. What really matters is what I say. What I think of myself. So Jared what do you think of yourself?

Jared: Uhh. I don't, know what do mean?

Jared the Psychiatrist: You know what I fucking mean Jared.

Jared: I'm sorry can you explain it to me?

Jared the Psychiatrist: Don't bullshit with me man! Tell me what you know!

Jared: Woah, no need to yell at me bro. Take a chill pill.

Jared the Psychiatrist: God damn it Jared! You think this is some kind of game! This is you we're talking about!

Jared: Hey, where's good cop at? I love that guy.

Jared the Psychiatrist: You want good cop kid? Face the fucking truth! There is no good cop! There's only you... and me. And with God as my witness, you're gonna look at me and you're gonna answer me...

God: Oh no, no, no. I'm not gettin' in the middle of this one. No way Jose! I'm good over here.

Jared the Psychiatrist: When you look into the mirror - and I'm not talking about a real mirror, I mean when you reflect on yourself - what the 'frell' do you see?

Jared: ...

Jared the Psychiatrist: Take your time. No matter what you say... you can't make it better until you accept what you see.

Jared: I don't know.

Jared the Psychiatrist: What  did I just say about bullshit?!

Jared: You're bullshit man, I don't fucking now! And if I did know you wouldn't have to ask me cause you are just me, playing psychiatrist. 

Jared the psychiatrist: Oh...

Jared: Get out.

Jared the psychiatrist: Out motha fucka!

[And with that he was gone]

Woah. That was weird. As. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Sorry you had to see that. I think I really just wrote all that because a few weeks ago I started to go see a talk therapist. Nothing crazy like that has happened but it's kind of a fantasy of mine. To get into an extremely heated conversation with a psychiatrist about my innermost thoughts. But I'd probably cry. Yeah... I kind of cry whenever an authority figure gets angry at me. Bit of a turn off huh? Oh well. Better luck in my next life!

Oooo! Maybe I'll have talent! Or the ability to have fun and humorous conversations on a daily basis. Or even a sense of responsibility. That would be nice. I really envy people who can prevent their life from going to shit. That way, even if they're a bad person, at least they believe that they have a good life. Like Hitler. Oh wait not like Hitler, cause he may just be the worst fucking piece of dogshit that ever existed. I like to believe that Hitler went to Superhell, with like a Super Devil and whatever else they have down there. Yowza, I got really off track this time. Today was supposed to be about how awesome people are. But instead it turned into a sort of, day of self reflection. Next time then. This blog actually reminded me of a song by one of my favorite bands with the lyrics "Who am I? Is it that guy? The one that's standing there smiling, staring the stranger in the eye. Who am I? Is it that guy? Lying in bed for the third night in a row, saying he wants to die. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" That was Gender Bronoun by Human Kitten. Great music. If you actually want to hear some of his music (which would would be suprising, but I promise you won't regret it), go to http://humankitten.bandcamp.com/music. Really just superb. Or at least I think so. However this is not just a story about what I think. Even though I suppose it kind of is. This isn't just a story about me. Jeez, I suck.
Jesus: Did you mean Jeezus?
Jared: No.
Jesus: Oh
Jared: Scram! 
Ahem. This Is A Story About Me.

TV? More Like I Love You

I love me some TV. But obviously not like cable, or the news. I mean genuinely amazing tv shows with amazing story and characters you wanna spend your days with. It's a huge part of who I am. It all started four-ish years ago, sometime before sixth grade, but not too long after fifth. My sister was watching this show called Doctor Who...

(flashback time)

Gianna: Are you gonna watch Doctor Who with me?!

Jared: I don't know, looks kind of stupid.(Worst thing I've ever said)

Gianna: Well it's not and it's awesome.

Jared: Sure

Gianna: It's starting, shhh!

[Over the next couple of hours "Silence in the Library", "Forest of the Dead" and "Midnight" came on. Jared was entranced}]

Jared: Wow. That... was... pretty good.

[However inside Jared knew he was going to watch this show from the very beginning]

(back from the flashback)

At that point in my life I hadn't really known that tv consisted of more than boring news stories and Spongebob Squarepants. And by golly was I in for a ride. I think it took a year for me to actually start watching Doctor Who, but when I did, the throttle was set for full steam ahead. I remember getting up one day, making french toast sticks, and watching the whole third season of Doctor Who that day. Those times were great, because I was literally able to shed off the worries of real life. Delve into my darkest nightmares, watch amazing stories of amazing caliber and let my mind run free. It was a completely different experience. Over the next few years, I started watching plenty more tv shows and  loving every second of it, also diving into story driven video games, comics and my own imagination. I also began to get a taste for writing. Sadly at this point in my life reading was not in my repertoire (that's a weird ass word to spell). Around the seventh and eighth grades, my schoolwork and work in general began to decline. I blame tv shows and video games, but honestly I don't really care. If it's a choice between bad grades and tv, I choose tv without a doubt. After all without tv I wouldn't be the same person I am today. However, I think it may have taken to great a toll on me, this first year of high school. But I will NOT talk about that right now. Later. Anyway, if it weren't for television and the magical apparatus that is Netflix, I have no clue where I'd be today. Well probably the same place. My bed, Chicago, Illinois. But I mean where I'd be accomplishment wise. Where I'd be spiritually, mentally. But most importantly, who I would be. Yeah sure I'd be the same 'person'. Jared. But I know without a doubt, I'd be a different Jared. So I want to thank you, Gianna, for showing me Doctor Who all those years ago. Hopefully, if the stars aline right and my britches are tight, I'll be able to make my own 'Doctor Who'. I mean if that does happen it'll probably be as popular as this blog is, but if by some miracle it does get out there and people truly enjoy the shit... well, I think I'll owe my sister a bit more than a 'Thank you'. Maybe a flower, or a car, or a house, or a boyfriend. Who knows? Who knows. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this, my second blog post on tiasajaredclark. For the lucky few reading this, I'll show you all the tv shows I've ever seen every episode of, in rough order of how much I love them.


1. Doctor Who
2. How I Met Your Mother
3. Supernatural
4. The Walking Dead
5. Psych
6. The Office (U.K. and U.S.)
7. Star Wars: The Clone Wars
8. Freaks and Geeks
9. Louie
10. Sherlock
11. Attack on Titan
12. Video Game High School
13. New Girl
14. The Guild
15. The Big Bang Theory
16. Brooklyn 99
17. Torchwood

And remember, this is not just a story about tv shows. This Is A Story About Me.

Just Writing

Recently I've been reading. For most people that's not a big deal, but I don't really read all that much. Mostly it's because I love stories a lot and instead of reading I just watch tv shows.  There are about 16 different shows I've seen every episode of, some of which I've rewatched, Psych I've re-re-rewatched. Doctor Who, How I Met Your Mother, Supernatural, Psych, etc, etc. I think you get the gist. I watch a lot of tv. But the thing is, I wanna write. And I want to read. However all too often it's not that easy, when there's a Netflix account just waiting to be used. So I'm pushin'. A little less tv and a little more book. All I'm doing now is breaking into some fan fiction which to no surprise, is tv show fanfics. And yes it 'counts' because technically I'm still reading. I've read one about Psych and I'm reading a huge series in Doctor Who. I hope to read one in all of the tv shows I adore. Then in time, I can write stories of my own! Honestly I can't wait. I just hope people like it. They probably won't. Oh well. I'm gonna do it anyway. Hopefully. We'll see. However, I think I need to have read a lot more before I can write anything that's even somewhat mediocre. I've been told that I'm a good writer. I've also been told that I look like an eagle. So what do they know? Then again, I've also been told that I stink (Truth). Although I've also been told that God won't let me into heaven. Just kiddin' no one told me that, however I think I just found a new comedy sketch. "God Says No To the Boy Who Did Nothing Wrong Except For Maybe Accidentally Litter That One Time". Heh. Maybe. Crap, lost where I was. (backtracking a bit) Anyway, people tell me I'm a good writer. And I like to write, similarly to how I like to read, but don't. So here I am, just writing. I read an article that was all like, "You just gotta write" and "If you write a lot you'll make money" and "other stuff". So then I was like "Fuck you article, I'm gonna read!". So read I did. But then that article got all up in my brain juice and now I'm writing. A blog a day I always say! Actually, uh that was a lie. When I was thinking of more stuff to type I just wrote that down because it rhymed. I think. But like I said, now I'm just writing. Hopefully I'll be able to write in this blog everyday. (But I doubt it). Also if you were wondering what this blog is about, congratulations, you just wondered the question of the day. Or question of the blog I guess. This is my tiasa. This Is A Story About. So... tiasajaredclark. MEEEEE. Except for instead of a story it's just a bunch of ramblings of thoughts that I've had. I was going to try and do a whole thing with a plot about me and the troubles I've been through and shit like that, but that's just too much work. Plus ramblings are fun. Watch me go! RAMBLE! RAMBLE! RAMBLE! RAMBLE! Oh god, I'm all rambled out.

God: Yes, Jared? You called?

Jared: Who the fuck are you?! Get out of my blog!

God: Ahh, Jesus, I'm sorry I'll go.

Jesus: Yes, father?

Jared: For Christ's sake.

Jesus: That's me! Christ and holy savior!

Jared: Who are you foolin'? You're just a figment of our imaginations.

Jesus: Yes, but if you believe in us, doesn't that make us as real as that foot in your ass?

Jared: What foot in my- Awww you son of a bitch!

God: Woah, I'm still here you know!

Jared: Oops sorry. Wait weren't you supposed to be leaving?

God: I'm not leaving with my son on the computer screen and in the head of a fifteen year old boy! You must be out of your damn mind.

Jared: All right, on the count of three I want you out of here. 1...

Jesus: Hey do have any snacks I can take for the road?

Jared: You're an omnipresent being! What road?!

Jesus: That road.

[Jesus points to a sign on a dirt road, labeled 'The Road of Omnipresence']

Jared: Oh.

[For the next ten to fifteen minutes a conversation, discussing an orange, tortilla chips, a weird looking light bulb, stainless steel that has a stain on it, God's encounter with Zeus and whether Jesus could survive being microwaved. He survived.]

Jared: Okay now. Leave!

God: Oh wait can you count down from three again? That was fun.

Jared: I counted up last time.

God: Up, down, just semantics.

Jared: Jesus

Jesus: Yooooo.

Jared: THREE!!! TWO!!!

Jesus: Daddy I have to use the bathroom!

God: Hey you gotta dumpin' hole around here somewhere?

[Face red hoot with frustration, Jared stood there heaving in and out mountains of air]

God: Uhhhhhh, never mind. We'll find it.

[Another ten to fifteen minutes later]

Jared: What the hell took so long guys?

God: Don't you dare use that word around my little boy!

Jared: Ahh, Jesu- uuuhhhh, It's really hot in here.

Jesus: Good catch

Jared: Thank you. No not thank you. Leave!

God: Ugh, fine. But can I ask you one more question before we go?

Jared: What in the H-E Double hockey sticks, go for it!

God: Would ya mind countin' down again?

Jared: Will you actually leave if I do?

God: I promise to God and cross my heart. 

Jared: Three...

[Jared closed his eyes and wished they would really leave]

Jared: Two...

[Scratch that. He prayed to God and Jesus and all of heaven]

Jared: One.

[He opened his eyes relieved they were gone]

Jared: Phew.

[Then he turned around]

Jared: FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!

God: We aren't leaving till you learn something.

Jared: How can I learn something from a couple of storybook characters! Newsflash big guy! I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU! 

God: If that were truly true... then why am I in your head now? And why are we still having this conversation?

[Jared screamed in rage at how true that was. and when he was done. They were gone.]

Jared: Heh, sucker.

God: I heard that!

Jared: Wait, but you left!

God: Road of Omnipresence bitch!

Jesus: Bye Jared! See ya next time!

[And at that Jared smirked and went on about his day...]

I could of gone on all day with that, but I think It's long enough. For today at least, I have accomplished my task of just, writing. And If you're still reading this for some reason, I thank you deeply. For this you see, is no mere rambling. This Is A Story About Me.