It's real late right now. Past midnight. Don't even know when. But I know that I wanna write some stuff down. I find that my favorite conversations with myself happen past midnight. Right before I fall asleep. Right before I begin to dream. So here I am. Try not too think on this shit too hard. Fun Fact #1: 'This' spelled backwards is 'Shit'. Fun Fact #2: I am a liar. NEXT LESSON!
Sometimes I have thoughts like this:
Ya know life's a funny thing. I can't tell you why, it just is. People are always stressing out about life and this and that and this. But in the end it doesn't really matter. Nothing really matters. We're all gonna go for a ride, do a few loop-dee-loops and die.
But then I remember that that's bullshit and I'm just REALLY tired. And then I think: Is it really bullshit? And then I think: Yes. Go to sleep. But I don't go to sleep. I continue down this slippery ass slope known as deep thought. So I think about it some more and I realize that if nothing matters, doesn't everything matter? It's like when you're a kid and your mom tells you that you're very special, but you realize that every little boy and girl is special, and if everybody is special, then nobody is. Or how without dirtiness there wouldn't be cleanliness. Without Yin, one could not possibly hope to have Yang. The Law of Duality. And with these two perspectives you can conclude that either, a) both everything and nothing matters OR b) there's another answer you haven't even contemplated. Maybe the real answer is a mix. As in, not "everything" matters and not "nothing" matters, but only somethings matter. But what are those things you may ask? Happiness? Family? Money? Friendship? Kindness? Love? No. But any of those things could work really. Because I'll tell you what I think. I think... that it doesn't matter what I think. I think that the ONLY thing that EVER truly matters in your life, is whatever you choose to believe.Whether your life is about; religion, or money, or family, or drugs. Whatever gives your life meaning, is the thing that gives meaning to your life. And whether what I'm saying right now is true or not (or hell, if it even makes sense), IT DOESN'T MATTER! That's the funny thing about belief, the facts don't mean a God-damned thing. Look at religion. There's no real evidence that God or heaven or angels exist. But there are still billions of people who believe in God.
God: Hey! What are you doing to me man! I'm here! I exist! Screw you man! Maybe you don't exist!
Jared: You better back up Gramps! I'm on a role and I really don't need this from you tonight!
God: Oh, looky here, we gotta big shot kid who thinks he knows some stuff just cuz he's got a blog, a few "deep" thoughts and some fingers to type with! WOW! Hey, you ever thought about running for Messiah, you piece of shit? I think you could make real change. A real difference, ya know? Maybe a better Jesus than Jesus!
Jared: Alright, alright, if you're gonna screw with the masses on a daily basis, that's fine! But you ain't fuckin' with me, and you will not fuck with my blog! Get it? Got it. Good. Now get out!
[God disappears]
He gets harder to deal with every, single, time, he shows up, I'm tellin' ya. It's getting really bad guys. But as I was saying, people still believe in their given religions. Whether it be Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Christianity or the hundreds of others, they all believe in THEIR religion. And the way I see it, it's impossible to say you're right and they're not, because they truly BELIEVE in it. Whether it's real or not will never really matter, because to them it is real. You can't take that away from someone. And to me, one of the most remarkable things about people, is that even if they don't have a religion, they believe in SOMETHING. Everyone believes in something. That belief gives our lives meaning and purpose. And when you don't believe in something in your life, I think you'll find it will be much harder to get up in the morning, and much harder to take part in this thing we call existence. So I guess all I gotta say is: Make sure you know what you believe in. I sure as hell know I don't, that's why I'm hanging on by a thread and a half.
So kiddos, good morning, good luck and-
[God bursts in]
God: Good riddance you no good, loud mouthed-
Jared: GOD! Cool it! Cool it! How'd you even get here anyway? I didn't mention your name at all.
God: You think you can control my access into this place? Please. I'm a God, remember? [Chuckles]
Jared: Yeah, but that doesn't explain how-
God: Silence young one. Let's just say I've been getting stronger. But I'm in a hurry now, maybe I'll fancy your curiosity later. I have a pilates class to get to. See you soon.
[God winks has he disappears]
This is getting weird man. He's even got more stage directions and everything! I'm gonna have to be careful around him. But this was not a story about how out of control God has gotten, or even how it doesn't matter because I don't BELIEVE in God. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no. This Is A Story About Me (Jared Clark).
When you were said everyone believes in something I started thinking about what it is I believe in and I think I believe most in myself, even to the point of disproportionate optimism where I feel uniquely invulnerable when I'm not. This is good as heck I feel like if Don Hertzfeldt made another hour long movie I'd want it to include stuff like this.
ReplyDeleteDon't you dare Max. Don't you dare compare me to the legend himself, Don Hertzfeldt. I think I'm crying a little bit on the inside. But thank you. Self-belief is a vital belief. Really it's a religion in it of itself.
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